Uncertified Marriage Counselor

Yeah, believe me, don't let me be your marriage counselor...at least not yet.

Today I've been looking through the curriculum the pastors here at Grace Community use when going thru pre-marital counseling, which is about 30 years old (yikes!). I'll be honest, it is very Conservative, very evangelical, very Bible-belt type teaching (the tapes are from Pastor Roy's former professor from Columbia International here in South Carolina) and seemingly archaic. I mean, as a Christ-Follower (with a LOT of help) I can understand the systematic message that these tapes are presenting; a biblical perspective of marriage which I can, minus a few theological and oral dis-agreements, relate to. But, what of those who are immersed into this culture where such monikers are mere religious jargon with little or no weight? How do you explain 'grace' 'justification' 'trinitarian doctrine' and all those other fun terms to those who have lived their entire lives alienated from this language? Christian theology is written in the language and philosophical language of the Ancient Greeks. Why? Because this was the academic culture the early church fathers came from, most academic language was pulled from such brilliant Greeks as Plato, Aristotle, and many others. Christians may deny such influence, but it is blatantly obvious that though Christianity today may seem unique in language and mission, back in the early days it was heavily influenced by the culture of that day; to ignore that is to misunderstand the finer points of the Bible (especially in a day where Scripture has come under such academic analysis and questioning...something Christians need to learn to welcome...a story for another day)

Anyways, about marriage...for how much I can disagree with the piece I am currently reading while jamming to Wilco and 1997, I can't help but see a couple things that are crucial, especially for those of you looking for that "special someone" out there, or even those guys and gals out there who have already found that blessed treasure you feel called to spend the rest of this life with (oh Pooh Bear!)

First, what is marriage? It is a reflection of who God is, the relationship of God to himself. It is a life of self-reciprocating love; not mere romance or passion (this is the reason why 50% of marriage fail, they are founded on passion and romance) but that one you feel called to be with it one who can share your relationship with Christ. That together you are one, without change, confusion, division, or separation (talk about Chalcedon-esque language!).

Second, a marriage should be designed by God, and built by husband, wife, and God. This is a joint effort. What does this mean? First, both husband and wife, if they are truly be one, MUST be unified in Christ first and foremost. I Corinthians 6:14 states that "Be not unequally yoked with an unbeliever, for what accord (fellowship / unity) can you have with one who is not a believer?" Isn't that true, painfully and obviously true?!? If the most important thing in one's life is their relationship with Christ, if the person you love is any form of antithesis to that, then how can such a couple stand? Their purposes for marriage are distorted, for one put Jesus first, the other their lover first. The end result is that the inordinate loves become unbalanced, neither can bear nor understand the other.

Finally, what kind of marriage can work merely on passion? I look at me here, I am 21, decently good looking (no Orlando Bloom or underwear model) fun-loving, happy...all those good things. But, those things change, the abs disappear under a layer of flab, the face becomes less defined and the hairs either gray or just fall out. The eyes grow dim, the ears grow weak, the legs cease working and before you know it, you're old. I may be a sight for sore eyes now (if that even, this point will be quite disputed) but what about in 10 years? 20 years? 40 years? What of when I am cenial, grumpy, and fidgety? What about if I start wetting the bed, smelling like a old man, or when I get age spots all across my arms? Passion lasts for moments, it is fickle and empty, though fun, it is fun. Passion actually has a place; we enjoy it, it is God's gift to us. But, you can over-use a gift / use it poorly. What love is a marriage found on? It is found on joy, it is found on pleasure of company, it is found on sacrifice and prayer, found on a purpose higher than any bank account, career promotion, or house in the Hamptons.

Who am I looking for? Who do I want to love? This;

I want a Christ-Follower, I want a Christ-Follower who puts Jesus first, herself last, and others in between. I want a Christ-Follower who will take the shaft for me sometimes, as I will for her. I want a Christ-Follower who can sit and smile with me, can marvel in awe each day anew at how good God is, who can pray in the morning and at night with me, even when the eyes are heavy and so is the heart. I want someone who is happy often, and joyful always.

I want someone like Jesus. Give me Jesus. That's who I want, heck, it's who I need.

I'll take mistakes too, I'm good at those if you haven't noticed yet.

Alright, back to work. Love you all!

Blake